sharossody's Blog

 

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --.

Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.

You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.

You have your old work clothes on.

You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from

who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

 

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you

need to run to Bunnings to get something to help complete the job.

 

Depending on your age you might do the following:

 

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.

Check yourself in the mirror and flex.

Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

 

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.

You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.

Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.

The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

 

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.

Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.

Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Bunnings.

Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.

The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

 

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.

Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car.

Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.

The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.

Then you remember the hat you have on is from Gold Coast's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

 

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.

Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.

You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.

The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

 

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Bunnings until the Chemist has your prescriptions ready, too.

Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.

The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.

 

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.

Now you remember you need to go to Bunnings.

Go to KMart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.

Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.

You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

 

In your 90's & beyond:

What's a bundings ? Something for my garden?

Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?

Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

 

It doesn’t matter how many times I receive this one, it brings a tear to my eyes and I have to pass it on.

  

  A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

 

  When broken bodies lay about

And blood was everywhere,

The sirens screamed out eulogies,

For death was in the air.

 

  A mother, trapped inside her car,

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

Oh, God, please spare my boys!

 

  She fought to free her pinned hands;

She struggled to get free,

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

 

  Her frightened eyes then focused

On where the back seat once had been,

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

 

  Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

She did not hear them cry,

And then she prayed they'd been thrown free,

 

  Oh, God, don't let them die!

 

  Then firemen came and cut her loose,

But when they searched the back,

They found therein no little boys,

But the seat belts were intact.

 

  They thought the woman had gone mad

And was travelling alone,

But when they turned to question her,

They discovered she was gone.

 

  Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

In beseeching supplication,

Please help me find my boys!

 

  They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

Their jeans are blue to match.

One cop spoke up, They're in my car,

And they don't have a scratch.

 

  They said their daddy put them there

And gave them each a cone,

 

  Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

I've searched the area high and low,

But I can't find their dad.

 

  He must have fled the scene,

I guess, and that is very bad.

 

  The mother hugged the twins and said,

While wiping at a tear,

He could not flee the scene, you see,

For he's been dead a year.

 

  The cop just looked confused and asked,

Now, how can that be true?

The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came

And left a kiss for you.

 

  He told us not to worry

And that you would be all right,

And then he put us in this car with

The pretty, flashing light.

 

  We wanted him to stay with us,

Because we miss him so,

But Mommy, he just hugged us tight

And said he had to go.

 

  He said someday we'd understand

And told us not to fuss,

And he said to tell you, Mommy,

He's watching over us.

 

  The mother knew without a doubt

That what they spoke was true,

For she recalled their dad's last words,

I will watch over you...

 

  The firemen's notes could not explain

The twisted, mangled car,

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

 

  But on the cop's report was scribed,

In print so very fine,

An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

 

  He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare.

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven,

He saw me, and he asked: 'My child, what is your greatest wish for

today?'

 

  I responded: 'Lord please, take care of the person who is reading

this message, their family and their special friends.

 

  They deserve it and I love them very much. '

This bit of information has been passed on to me, it may be of help....

 

Difference between http and https-- GREAT information!

Once in a while, there is something that comes down 

the pike that is of real importance. 

What is the difference between http and https? 

Don't know how many of you are aware of this 

difference, but it is worth sending to any who do not. 

 

The main difference between http:// and https:// is it's 

all about keeping you secure. HTTP stands for 

Hyper Text Transfer Protocol. 

 

The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure." If you visit a 

website or web page, and look at the address in the web

browser, it will likely begin with the following:http:///. 

This means that the website is talking to your browser 

using the regular "unsecured" language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site. 

 

This is why you never ever enter your credit card number 

in an http website! But if the web address begins with 

https://, that basically means your computer is talking to 

the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on.

 

If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card 

information, you should automatically look to see if the 

web address begins with https://. 

 

If it doesn't, you should NEVER enter sensitive information...

....such as a credit card number, SS #, etc.

 

PASS IT ON (You may save someone a lot of grief) 

 

Fifty shades of grey

 

The missus bought a Paperback

Down Eason’s, the other day,

I had a look inside her bag;

T'was "fifty shades of grey".

 

Well I just left her to it,

And at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread…...

 

In her left she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.

 

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn't weathered well;

She's eighty four next week!!

 

Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

 

She struggled back upon her feet;

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

That I must dominate her!!

 

Now if you knew our Mabel,

You'd see just why I spluttered,

I'd spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I'd uttered.

 

She stood there nude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

And stood upon her tit!

 

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My god what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

"Step on the other one"!!

 

Well readers, I can't tell no more;

About what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of Grey.

This is a wonderful  Please read to the end and make your day. 

 

 

Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her

 to get some needed items, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox.

 So off I went.

 

I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter, 

only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man who appeared to be about sixteen-years-old.

 I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. 

This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, "Mommy, I'm over here."

 

It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so

 close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said,

 "Hey Buddy, what's your name?"

 

"My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother," he responded proudly.

 

"Wow," I said, "that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Steve."

"Steve, like Stevarino?" he asked.  "Yes," I answered. "How old are you Denny?"

 

"How old am I now, Mommy?" he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle.

 

"You're fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by."

 

I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer,

 bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement, 

because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.

 

Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son.

 

 She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him.

 

I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from,

 other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I told her that there are plenty of 

red, yellow, and pink roses in God's Garden; however, "Blue Roses" are very rare and should be 

appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a Blue Rose and if someone 

doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness,

 then they've missed a blessing from God.

 

She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, "Who are you?"

 

Without thinking I said, "Oh, I'm probably just a dandelion, but I sure love living in God's garden."

 

She reached out, squeezed my hand and said, "God bless you!" and then I had tears in my eyes.

 

May I suggest, the next time you see a BLUE ROSE, don't turn your head and walk off.

 Take the time to smile and say Hello. Why? Because, by the grace of GOD, this mother or father could be you.

 This could be your child, grandchild, niece or nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.

 

From an old dandelion!  Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

 

"People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel!"        ANON.

 

 

Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of  cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's,
just money for 50kg bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered
 milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.


Put me in charge of Medicare. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth
control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs,
alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings.
If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings,
then get a job.


Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair.
Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be
inventoried.If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360,then get a job and your own place.


In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week
or you will report to a "government" job.
It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing,
whatever we find for you.
We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo
and speakers and put that money toward the “common good..”


Before you write that I've violated someone's rights,
realize that all of the above is voluntary.
If you want our money, accept our rules..

Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem,"
consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for
doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.


If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt
to make them learn from their bad choices.
The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.


AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE!
Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest.
You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t welfare check.
If you want to vote, then get a job.

anon.... but spot on in my opinion.

Whoever wrote this was really pissed off ... but

it's a point well made.
 

On the 18th of August 1966 at Long Tan, Vietnam,

D Company of the 6th Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment,

mainly made up of Australian National Servicemen

and at that time located to support the American Army,

fought a battle against the Viet Cong.

In this action D Company lost 18 men killed and 24 injured.

The Viet Cong dead numbered in excess of 245.

The Australian lines were never crossed.

The Viet Cong withdrew.
 
 

American President Johnson and US Army Staff recognised the achievement

by awarding the Unit Citation of Gallantry on 30th May 1968.

The Award was formally accepted by Queen Elizabeth in 13th June 1968.

Prime Minister John Gorton made the formal presentation

of this American Citation to the Battalion

at Lavarack Barracks, Townsville on 18th August 1968.
 
 

On the 31st of March 2010,

D Company of the 6th Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment

were belatedly awarded the Australian version of

"Unit Citation for Gallantry" (UCG)

honouring their extraordinary deeds at Long Tan.



The Government however refused to approve travel payment

for the surviving Unit Members or their families,

including the families of deceased Unit Members,

in order that they be present at the

UCG Presentation Ceremony

presided over by the Governor General of Australia.

 


In February 2011 the same Government of Australia

footed the Funeral Bill to bury the illegal boat people,

who tragically perished on Christmas Island.

This included flying surviving family illegals and survivors

to and from Sydney and Xmas Island,

accommodating them, etc etc,

plus a Coach tour of Sydney thrown in.
 
 



The Canberra Politburo had waited 45 years

to publicly acknowledge the bravery and sacrifice

of these Sons of Australia

and then immediately shit on their memory

by wetting themselves to appease the feelings of boat illegals forcing entry into our country.
 
 



Now we witness what can only be described as attempted political face saving,

by this same Government, sponsoring a TV Documentary,

to celebrate our Armed Forces accomplishments at Kapyong, Korea in 1951.

This will see our Prime Minister and the entire Priministerial Entourage

fly in a RAAF plane to Korea to mark this 60th Anniversary.

What Bloody Hypocrisy!!!

What a Blatant Affront to the feelings

of our Nation's serving Armed Forces,

Past and Present.

Shame, Shame, Shame,

You Political Parasites.

You do not deserve to represent our country.

They were funny looking buildings, that were once a way of life,
If you couldn't sprint the distance, then you really were in strife.
They were nailed, they were wired, but were mostly falling down,
There was one in every yard, in every house, in every town.
They were given many names, some were even funny,
But to most of us, we knew them as the outhouse or the dunny.
I've seen some of them all gussied up, with painted doors and all,
But it really made no difference, they were just a port of call.
Now my old man would take a bet, he'd lay an even pound,
That you wouldn't make the dunny with them turkeys hangin' round.
They had so many uses, these buildings out the back,"
You could even hide from mother, so you wouldn't get the strap.
That's why we had good cricketers, never mind the bumps,
We used the pathway for the wicket and the dunny door for stumps.
Now my old man would sit for hours, the smell would rot your socks,
He read the daily back to front in that good old thunderbox.
And if by chance that nature called sometime through the night,
You always sent the dog in first, for there was no flamin' light.
And the dunny seemed to be the place where crawlies liked to hide,
But never ever showed themselves until you sat inside.

There was no such thing as Sorbent, no tissues there at all,
Just squares of well read newspaper, a hangin' on the wall.
If you had some friendly neighbours, as neighbours sometimes are,
You could sit and chat to them, if you left the door ajar.

When suddenly you got the urge, and down the track you fled,
Then of course the magpies were there to peck you on your head.
Then the time there was a wet, the rain it never stopped,
If you had an urgent call, you ran between the drops.
The dunny man came once a week, to these buildings out the back,
And he would leave an extra can, if you left for him a zac.
For those of you who've no idea what I mean by a zac,
Then you're too young to have ever had, a dunny out the back.

Checking  out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own shopping bags in future because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The cashier  responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right --  our generation didn't have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the store. The  store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every shop and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the  size of the county of Yorkshire . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the post, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.  Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank water from a fountain or a tap when we were thirsty instead of demanding a plastic bottle flown in from another country.  We accepted that a lot of food was seasonal and didn't expect that to be bucked by flying it thousands of air miles around the world.  We actually cooked food that didn't come out of a packet, tin or plastic wrap and we could even wash our own vegetables and chop our own salad.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the tram or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mothers into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.
Remember:  Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off...

 

ONIONS
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers
to see if he could help them combat the flu.
Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy.
 When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed
an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then).
The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope.
 She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion.
 It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy. 

Now, I heard this story from a hairdresser in NZ. She said that several years ago many of her employees were
coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls
with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work.
 (And no, she is not in the onion business.)
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home.
 If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere.
Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better.  If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case.
Whatever - what have you to lose?  Just a few bucks on onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues.
She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:

Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story...but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless
 to say I was very ill...I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion
 put one end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar...
placing the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs...
 sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.

Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many
from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
 
But here is the other important side to remember. 

LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS

I  have used an onion which has been left in the fridge, and sometimes I don't use a whole one at one time,
 so save the other half for later.
Now with this info, I have changed my mind.....will buy smaller onions in the future.

I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise.

 Mullins is huge, and is owned by 11 brothers and sisters in the Mullins family.  My friend, Jeanne, is the CEO.

Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.

The guy who gave us our tour is named Ed. He's one of the brothers -
 Ed is a chemistry expert and is involved in developing most of the sauce formula.
 He's even developed sauce formula for McDonald's.

Keep in mind that Ed is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise.
 People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you.
 Ed said that all commercially made Mayo is completely safe.

"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary
He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment.
] He then talked about the quaint essential picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table and how
 everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS
and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade Mayo)
that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the onions, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.

He explained, onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions.
You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag
 and put it in your refrigerator.

It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you
 (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!)

Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay,
 but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble.
Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial
mayonnaise will even begin to break down.

So, how's that for news? Take it for what you will. I (the author) am going to be very careful about my onions from now on.
 For some reason, I see a lot of credibility coming from a chemist and a company that produces millions of pounds of mayonnaise every year.

Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions .....
 
Please remember it is dangerous to cut onions and try to use it to cook the next day,
it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates Toxic bacteria which may cause
Adverse Stomach infections because of excess Bile secretions and even Food poisoning.

Please pass it on to all you love and care. this was passed to me from a dear friend and I am doing this for all my EP friends.

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table,
 and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
 
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage,
so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
 
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could
 have handled it:
 
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course,
 travelled out of the country or had a credit card.
 
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds,
 and only had one speed, (slow).
 
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem
and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m.
 and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...
 
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial,
you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
  
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
 
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper,
seven days a week.  He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
 
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because
all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or
 almost anything offensive.
 
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these
memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
 

                      
 
For all  Who Work With Rude Customers, shame WE  can't actually do this ! 

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny,
 while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service.
A single attendant was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
 Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.  He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
 'I HAVE to  be  on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out..'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,
 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:
 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began -
her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
 If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant,
 gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!'
Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too’.
 

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW
WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS,
BUT THINK THAT NO ONE EVER SEES.
LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend)  influences the life of a child.

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls

 

My husband has a bad habit of not sitting around waiting for appointments.

A few weeks ago there was an article in our daily paper, doctors were saying that if patients were late for their appointments, they were going to charge them extra.

Now who EVER has been late for the doctor... I ask you... It is us that sit there twiddling our thumbs for an HOUR OR MORE...

Today my husbands appointment was for 1pm., we arrived at 12.50. two others arrived at five past 1. We checked out our times, theirs were for 1.15.

The receptionist arrived at 1.15, she stuffed around til 1.30, the doctor called the 3rd person in at 1.30, the second at 1.55, my hubby was still sitting there, but not for long, he tore up the form he was asked to fill in and then walked out.... 1 hour after the appointment time...... how much do you think we should bill the DOCTOR????

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?


The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.


The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
 
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you because you're not a monk.


The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?


The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.


The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk .

We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ?


the monks gives him the key, and he opens the door.

 
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.


Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door .


The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight


.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.


DON'T SWEAR AT ME;

I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS!

When we lost our youngest son , due to a car accident, the Coroner's Office. sent us the following.

To other parents who are going through this horrific time , these words may be of help, as we all need to feel that our child lives on in our hearts.

MY WISH LIST....

1... I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and were important

and I need to hear their name.

2... If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn't because

you have hurt me; the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and

I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3... I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures,

artwork or other rememberances.

4... I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have

good days my grief is all over, or if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.

5... I wish that you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be

viewed separetly. It is the ultimate tradgedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a

parent, a spouse, or a pet.

6... Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

7... I wish you knew all of the crazy grief reactions that I am having are infact very normal.

Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to

be expected following a death.

8... I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going

to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never "be cured" or a "formerly

bereaved" but forevermore be recovering from my bereavement.

9... I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight, sleep all the time or

not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

10.. Our loved one's Birthday, the anniversary of his death, and the holidays are terrible times

for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about them on these days. And if we get

quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into

being cheerful.

11.. I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party, this is just a temporary

crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to expierence it. I have hurt before and I

can heal.

12.. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before

my beloved died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to

my old self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams,aspirations,

values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me..... maybe you'll still like me.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

       A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

       Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

       Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

       Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

       A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

       A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

       Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

       Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

       Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

       Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

       When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

       A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

       What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away).

       Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

       In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

       She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

       A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

       If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

       With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

       The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

       You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

       Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

       Every calendar's days are numbered.

       A lot of money is tainted -  Taint yours and taint mine.

       A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

       He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

       A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small
medium at large.

       Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

       Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

       Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

       Acupuncture is a jab well done.

I feel that this is so important I have also posted this as a blog so EVERYONE will see it.



Please tell  every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do. Cocoa Mulch, which is sold by Target, Home  Depot, Foreman's Garden Supply and other garden supply stores contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'.

It  is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff  and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks.

Over the weekend, the doting owner of two young lab mixes  purchased Cocoa Mulch from Target to use in their garden. The dogs loved the way it smelled and it was advertised to  keep cats away from their garden. Their dog (Calypso) decided the mulch smelled good enough to eat and devoured a large helping. She vomited a few times which was typical when she eats something  new but wasn't acting lethargic in any way.

The next day, Mum woke up and took Calypso out for her morning walk. Half way through the walk, she had a seizure and died instantly. 

Although the mulch had NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web  site, this product is HIGHLY toxic to dogs and cats.

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that "It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of   degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat  it."

*Snopes site gives  the following information - http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/cocoamulch.asp   

Theobromine is in all chocolate, especially dark or baker's chocolate which is  toxic to  dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of Theobromine, a Xanthenes compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline. A dog that  ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cacao bean  shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis  of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of  Theobromine.

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow:  I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant:  I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!






 

 


 
 
 
 



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